Hey everybody! Do you want to see a “Western” even worse than Wild Wild West? Then do I have the movie for you.
The film follows the titular character, and if there’s no chance you’ll forget that name since the movie reminds the audience again and again. The movie opens with a misplaced animated sequence and follows that with introducing the villain Turnbell (Malkovich), who kill’s Hex’s (Brolin) wife and daughter while burning his face. Near death, Hex ends up being saved by a Native American tribe who rescues him, bringing him back from death which gives him supernatural powers.
After this, Hex becomes a bounty hunter and in the process, he is brought back into conflict with Turnbell. Turnbell plans to destroy the United States with a canon that shoots what look like Dragon Balls, for some reason. For this reason, the president orders Hex to save the U.S. from Turnbell.
This film is short, it only clocks in at a little 80 minutes. However, it feels like two hours because of how slowly it moved. The film just meanders as Hex goes around investigating leads to Turnbell, but there’s never a sense of mystery or even adventure. Additionally, the villain’s plan is too idiotic, taking away most of the suspense because the main problem the protagonist has to solve is laughable.
The story does little to develop the characters, too, which is a shame because I’m usually a fan of revenge stories. “The Crow” for example worked because the protagonist was explored really well, seeing their difficulties and problems while still displaying their good nature. This wasn’t done with Hex, making him a rather uninteresting and hard to empathize with. It’s even worse knowing they got an actor as talented as Brolin in the role
The love interest in the picture, played by Megan Fox, was completely forgettable. She didn’t offer anything more than just some lame one-liners and a pretty face. That’s all the filmmakers seemed to want from her, because she didn’t provide anything else.
The film had a lot of random action, too. Twin Gatling guns on a horse and crossbows that shoot sticks of dynamite seemed like an attempt at creating more of a comic-book vibe, but for the most part it felt out of place.
Th worst offense in the whole movie, though, was the final battle, which was created horribly. The editing was confusing, switching back and forth between settings and action with no consistency.
“Jonah Hex” is one of the year’s worst flicks. It failed as a western and as a comic book film, providing unlikable characters, poor action and a ridiculous story. 0.5 out of 5.
This review was first produced for the KSDM-KGHS Radio station in International Falls, Minn.